I am not sure if it was turning forty or finally reaching the end of my rope, but I have begun to set boundaries and actually maintain them.
Not only have I never unblocked my youngest from my phone, but I am actually sticking to my own self imposed food restrictions. Let’s get into it.
When my youngest ran out before graduation, she sent me some extremely awful, horrifying messages about what she thought of me, my parenting, and what I could do to myself. Things that I had only heard her say about other people before, never anything remotely like the things she would hurl at me before. I blocked her. Then she went after me on Facebook and bluesky. For my own piece of mind, I blocked her. She still has her dad’s number and she can email me. In fact, she can even interact with my Instagram. But I do not follow her on Instagram, nor have I unblocked her on my other phone.
I know she is a hurt little girl in an adult body, but I could no longer allow her immediate access to me. I needed space between us. I always told her that if someone is hurting you so much that you feel the need to block them, then steps need to be taken before you should ever unblock them. In fact, in several situations I advised that I would not unblock the person in her situation. She was aware of my stance on that and I remain forever consistent.
With the loss of my father, I give myself when needed to others, but I make sure to give myself space and time to grieve on my own. I have always been a very private person, so I need that privacy to work my way through my grief. It is an unexpected needed boundary, but I have set it and so far have maintained it.
When I was diagnosed as prediabetic, I saw the nutritionist multiple times and we went over the changes I needed to make and all that. The biggest probably is I need to eat more and more consistently. I have been terrible about all of that, but I have been able to decline sweets or ignore treats in the house when I know I should not be having them. Like when the blood sugar is peaking or if I have already eaten junk that day. Many times I turn it down, even when my partner continues to offer it to me when he is eating it. I still maintain my conviction to limiting the intake of garbage.
For most of my life, I have had to manage other people and their expectations and feelings. These people entirely lacked even the concept of a boundary. Finally, I have learned my limits and have decided to respect them. I still falter around some of them, but denying access or mistreatment is becoming easier to do the more I do it.
Nobody else is responsible for protecting you. It is necessary to learn to do it for yourself.
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