How do you make time for self-care?

I do not think time is the actual issue most people face. I think it is a matter of priority. As every therapist I have ever worked with has told me, “You have to put on your oxygen mask before helping others.”

Self-care comes in so many forms and can be done in so many ways. It is about deciding that you deserve some time to put yourself first. Whether it is a few minutes to sit alone somewhere quiet, to going for a walk, to eating that leftover candy from your kid’s party, or whatever else would make you feel better.

The thing a lot of mothers feel is a guilt for wanting to spend time on themselves instead of their partner or children. Even pets will come first. I am incredibly guilty of this. People would comment about parents on their phones during their kids’ activities, but I was usually scheduling appointments or buying the new shoes they need for dance class while waiting for practice to end. Yet I would feel bad or not watch them go over their dance routine for the tenth time in the last ten minutes.

Most moms need to hear that they can stop and think about themselves for a handful of minutes each day. That it does not matter what the other moms think or the dance instructors or the teachers or their family or their partner’s family. Parents today are expected to do so much more and be so much more competent than the generations before us. We can easily feel like we are drowning in the sea of social media pressures and new recognized diagnoses.

The question is not how to find the time. Moms can find the time because they are in charge of the schedules and are managing the constant changes to their schedule from outside sources. Moms can make the time. The problem is they have to allow themselves to have it. They need to know they have permission to make time for themselves. That they can order takeout from the restaurant they like while their kids eat chicken strips and box macaroni and cheese. The kids love to eat that and mom can order what she wants for herself. And that is okay. The kids are fed. Mom is fed. Everyone can be happy during dinner.

Figure out what you need to feel better and allow yourself to have it. Even if you start with only once a month. Try to make it once a week. Slowly you will see the world will not fall apart if you do something for yourself every once in a while.