At first I was going to say another day with both my cats alive, then I remembered my childhood dog. I got her when I was six and she had to be put to sleep when I was away at college at twenty. I did not get to say goodbye. I was supposed to go home that weekend but for one reason or another, I think some paper that was due, I stayed at school. She had broken her leg jumping off the porch like she always did. They took her to the vet and found out her knee had been replaced by a tumor. That all the symptoms we thought were her aging was only bone cancer taking over her body.
I would have liked to see her once last time. Even now over two decades later, I still have a moment where I think I am going to visit my parents and see her. Then I have to have that moment where I have to remind myself that she is gone. It never gets easier.
There are a few days I have wished to have a chance at a redo while I was parenting. A few from my marriage would also be nice. I have never had a moment where anything I have said or done has been a defining factor in my relationships. Something that I feel would have created a pivotal moment that I would like to try again. It was little stuff that I felt bad about. Things I wish I handled better knowing what I do now. One day would not be enough to heal all those little things over time.
But for one day, I could be with my dog again. I would want that. Even if it was her last day. There is something powerful about being able to stay with your pet when they cross over. I did it with my cats. I was there until the end. She was a good dog. Unfriendly. Untrainable. Ate everything. But the best dog.
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