What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – Friedrich Nietzsche

There is a lot of negativity around this quote and examples of if something is broken it will not have the same strength as before. There is also all the trauma experts who say more trauma creates more mental fragility. There are all good points and I agree with a lot of what these arguments have to say.

However, when you have already been through hell and back a few times, and you manage to get back on your feet again, it is hard to deny Nietzche might have been on to something. Make or break moments in your life where you could fold in on yourself and give up, or you can rally and begin again.

Perseverance and grit are learned. They are something you are forced into creating for yourself despite the odds against you. In a way, it is a bit of compartmentalizing things. I know that sounds toxic, but you cannot change the past. You carry the past with you the rest of your life and being able to box up your feelings and put them away to continue to function is vital for moving forward. Occasionally, I open the box and ruminate on things from the past with or without a therapist. As I grow older and more experienced, I can look at memories in a new light with more wisdom. You cannot grow in the moment that something is happening. There is a biological imperative to put it away and get back to living. I do not avoid dealing with those memories or feelings, at least not in the long term, I need space and distance in order to make sense of what happened.

Having relationships fail, messing things up yourself, or withstanding an onslaught of abuse from elsewhere, feels like the end of the world. When you are in the thick of things it feels like it is hard to move forward after so much failure and cruelty. Some people give in to those feelings because in the moment it feels insurmountable. You need to put distance between yourself and your problems in order to not be crushed by them. Seeing that the world is bigger than you and your experiences is a real eye-opening experience when you become so closed off from it all. The world is full of possibilities and pushing through the pain to find a new place in the world is liberating.

When you are in a more stable place, whether you have a support system again, or you have steady employment or a home, you can revisit what happened. You need to be in a safe space in order to process the trauma, the hurt, and the pain. You cannot do it when you are floating along without stability. A person needs to be anchored in knowing that they can live through what happened to them. That there is a life waiting for them on the other side.

Looking back, I am incredibly proud of what I have been able to move past. I have come to terms with a lot of the demons from my past. And I am still learning how in certain ways they still hang on because of how it affected my development and integrated into my personality or habits. I would not be able to do that work had I not continued on to find a new life for myself each time the world let me down.

You grow wiser from your mistakes. The patterns become more obvious the more you fail and struggle. Things you will never learn about yourself unless given the chance to fail and try again. It allows you to look at things from a wider perspective than I ever thought possible. There is also the opportunity to recognize your patterns in other people.

Though moments in my life were terrible, I still hold the lessons I was taught close to my heart. I learned a lot about the world and myself by living through things that at times I thought would kill me. I am still here, still learning.