Do you think everything happens for a reason?

I would like to think that things happen for a reason. It does not necessarily mean it is a good reason. People make choices and those choices affect the world and people around them. It is the butterfly effect really, things happen based on decisions around us. Even natural phenomena happen for a reason. The conditions required for weather to be a certain way are met and then our weather is what it is. We have earthquakes because of the tectonic plates. We know where they are, we know where earthquakes will likely happen. Moving somewhere where earthquakes happen means you will experience an earthquake. Be prepared for that. If not, then you will deal with the consequences of your decisions.

I do not think there is some higher power orchestrating this. If there ever was, they put things in motion and the world continued on its own. Famine, plagues, war, are all things that we have a hand in.

I am a firm believer that we all need to know how we affect the world around us. Being angry while driving increases the likelihood of getting into a collision. Drunk drivers walk away from horrible wrecks while killing the sober people in the cars they hit. You can look at all the actions that led up to that needless death, but in the end it was a series of events that came together. The drunk drivers chose to drive while intoxicated. The server at the bar did not cut them off soon enough since they seemed sober. Maybe the server’s boss was cutting wages or hours and the server needed a couple more bucks to make rent because their landlord jacked up their rental price. Maybe an officer was supposed to patrolling on the route that person drives. That officer may have gotten a call to stop a domestic violence situation. All these things happened because the victims went out to watch a movie together as a family. If they had chosen a different movie, time, or theater, they may have never met the drunk drivers on the road. Some people would look at all those moments of chance leading up the final outcome as some divine plan or something that had to do with random odds.

I lean toward the random odds, but I still think about the possibility of all those things that led up to it not happening. The person getting drunk when they planned to drive home. They should have limited themselves in the first place, or gone home to drink. It might have led to something else happening, like a domestic violence incident at home, but again it is on that person with the drinking.

The entire campaign trying to get people off their phones while driving. It is the same thing. You take your eyes off the road for a second and you could kill someone. You could have pulled over. You could have waited. Nothing on that phone is worth more than the life you took. And again you could think we need more strict laws, more police patrolling, more PSAs, reminders, auto phone silencers, but it does not matter. You could have all those things and you still chose to check your phone.

People have said that God or other divine power planned for this or allowed this. And I think most people can see how it ultimately comes down to one person’s decision.

Now imagine saying this about you, an adopted child. Whether you were given up at birth, taken away, abandoned, or your family died, it does not matter. You do not have to tell people why you are not with your biological parents. It does not matter. You are here, in an adoptive home. Then people say horrible things, like God wanted you to have different parents, God wanted you to go through trauma, God wanted you to hurt and question your very existence for the rest of your life.

There are so many reasons children are adopted. I think we can agree that none of them are good. It could be because of drugs, poverty, incest, rape, or a plethora of reasons. It can also include the system where they are from failed them. The government refused to certify extended family members due to racism, able-ism, or sexism. The child was taken because the parents could not provide for them and rather then help them provide for their child, the government took them. It could be because there is a law limiting how many children you can legally have.

That child is here now whatever the circumstances. The adoptive parents sometimes do not know the full story. The child usually does not know the full story. Instead people come in and say that is a blessing. That the kid should feel grateful that they were given such great parents. That this was the plan for them. Totally disregarding the loss the child went through.

They demand to know why the child is not with their biological parents. They demand to know how the child feels about it. They make assumptions that the child’s ‘rea’ parents did not love them. It is absolutely harrowing to hear people ask your child these questions. I stood up for them every time. I would let them know how inappropriate they were being. I made sure that our friends and family knew not to say something like that or they would not be friends and family any more.

My personal favorite was turning the question or comment back on the person. Did your parents only keep you because they legally had to? Does your God abdicate hurting children? Sometimes you would get into a genuinely real conversation and they would learn. Most of the time they would be insulted or say they were entitled to know these things. Which I also threw back at them by insisting they answer my questions first. They never would. They would say it was irrelevant. And I would say, “Exactly.”

It does not matter the reason things happen, it already happened. We all have to live with the consequences regardless.