What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

Do I regret adopting? Do I hate my kids? Those questions typically go hand in hand throughout our adoption and now that the kids hit eighteen and are gone. They are extremely personal questions, but luckily very easy to answer questions.

I do not regret adopting them. I do not hate them. I love them and hope they find whatever they think they are looking for.

If I could make the decision to adopt them all over again, I would do it. I was not perfect, but I was also the first person who stuck it out with them in their entire lives. The longest they had a single primary caregiver before us was eighteen months. We had them for seven and eight years, respectively. We pushed and fought for all the testing and all the supports that we could possibly try to get those kids back on track.

It was long and hard. Our reputation went up in flames and we suffered a great deal of abuse along the way. I would do it again for them. They deserved a chance at a childhood. We gave that to them. Any counselor, therapist, or psychologist will tell you that kids will only blow up at you and fight with you like our kids did to us, if they trust you and know you care. We were their safe space and I wanted them to have that. I went to amazing lengths to give them what they needed. Not always what they wanted, but what they required for healing.

I will never hate them. I love them. Even after all the crap we went through. They were kids. They still are. They are developmentally not their physical ages. Right now they think going to live with the woman who gave them up will erase all of their trauma they sustained throughout their childhood. That the primal wound will disappear. It will not happen. I know this. They have to figure it out for themselves. We will still be here when it is over.

The oldest is already trying to find someone to knock her up and marry her, so she can leave. The youngest refuses to acknowledge it at the same time that she complains about it. I am sure reality is right there proving me, and all the specialists that worked with them, right. I hate that they are not going to be able to magically heal like they want. I especially loathe that they were allowed to do this right before they graduate instead of waiting three more months. It just shows me how juvenile this person they want to love them is.

Someday they will see that their parents are here and waiting. We never left them. I understand this. It does not mean it does not hurt to be so thoroughly rejected and told that “you are not enough”. It really hurts.

I do not hate them. They are my kids. They need me. I will be waiting.