Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past?

At first, I completely thought I spent most of my time thinking about the past. However, I am actually thinking about the future the most by thinking about the past.

I think about things that have happened in the past a lot. Trauma from the past is triggered by things all the time. You would think that means you are constantly reliving your past. What it can mean is that you are constantly vigilant to not relive your past. You try to make different choices, avoid different things, and look for ways to have more control of your future.

If I embarrass myself by not preparing for a presentation at work or school, next time I am going to over prepare. I am going to try and come up with every question anyone will ask me and have answers ready. I am going to do practice runs in the mirror. I might give my presentation to family and friends. There is no way I am going to let myself be embarrassed in that way again.

I have told my therapist that I do not have just a plan A or plan B, I have plans A-Z. Every little bump along the road, I want to be prepared for. Going on a weekend trip to the beach? I am going to have plans in case it rains, going to make packing lists and check them off three times, I will have car safe snacks while planning a route with acceptable places to eat along the way, and I am going to pack some things for my kids to do in my bag in case they get bored with what they bring.

I think about the past enough to get all the information I need from it to plan for my future. I want to learn from the past and better prepare myself. I definitely spend way more time trying to make the future turn out the way I want than I do dwelling on the past.