Couples therapy is rough

My partner and I have done couples therapy on and off since before the adoption. It was recommended to us to find a therapist before the adoption went through to help us work out “new parent” issues.

It has always been a really rough experience for the two of us. We are both extremely defensive. I know why I am the way that I am and I have shared with my partner even more information outside of therapy over the years. My partner insists there is no reason for the way he is and that his childhood was fine.

The things he has told me about do not sound fine. I understand why he does not feel like he should complain about his childhood when compared to that of my own or my children’s. But I am also a firm believer of going through something and not around it. I wish he would work with the therapist, even if I am not there, and work through what his childhood was like. I feel like a lot of his issues now would make more sense for him if he were to reconcile his childhood.

Family and couples therapy has been very challenging for me through the years. No matter how difficult I have found it, my family is always aggravated that I seem to do “better” than them at it. I do not believe I am better at it. I am just more open and honest. I want things to improve, so I put my trust in the process.

I would rather say things in therapy where the therapist can help me explain myself than at home where we may have a miscommunication. Therapy has been a great tool in my life. It has helped me sort through my history and who I want to be at this moment.

I like improving. I want my relationships to be better. I want to take care of my family better. I want to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I am far from perfect, that is why I want to put in the work.