For me, I really admire people who just still blindly trust people. After having my kids and all the crazy stuff that comes with fostering and adopting, being able to blindly trust people has been an extremely hard thing.
Your kids’ friends invite your kids over for a sleep over. Or to drive them somewhere. Or their parents are hanging around practice. I do not think these would have bothered me in the past. I grew up in a small community where you did not lock your doors and everything was fine.
Then there is the fact that other people have also been scrutinized by CPS, just like we have and I wonder how true their accusations were. I used to work for law enforcement agencies. I know how some people are innocent and how some are not.
When a parent introduces themselves to me and they ask if my kid can go over to their house for the night to continue playing and I just freeze up. I know a lot of this is because of the experiences I went through to even have my children. I also know some of this is because we did not get to start with preschool and kindergarten play dates and we got thrown in at the deeper end of sleepovers and mall trips.
I just found it very hard to trust. I tried to say yes. I would shorten the times and kind of try and feel the parents and family out a bit more. My partner would say yes and not even think about it.
I thought about it. I cringed. I was so afraid that some more trauma or abuse or assault would happen to my children on my watch. They had already gone through ten years of that. I wanted it to end. My partner became the one in charge of scheduling these things and messaging other parents.
In a world where you experience so much hurt, it is hard to see the good still there. I really admire the people who can still do it.
Mother of Trauma 
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