Hardest decision I ever made

Most decisions in my life are not that difficult, at least for me. I am the type of person that looks over the pros and cons. I think things through ad nauseam and for the last ten years I have had professional therapists in my life to bounce off ideas, plans or action plans for me and my family.

The hardest moment in my life was before all of that, a time during college when I was suffering with mental health issues that led to struggling with physical issues. I needed a lot of help and I started the process to withdraw for a semester after I decided not study abroad because I was honestly afraid I would end up dying with all the added stress of being out of the country for the first time in my life.

I was dealing with some various mental health and self esteem issues. My mild disordered eating became a severe eating disorder. My skin was not healing, my hair was falling out, and my nails were getting knocked off. I was in really rough shape. My original plan was to take the term off and go into an eating disorder rehab program.

Told my mom, I was taking a term off and she completely shut me down. She said if I did that, she would no longer pay to keep my health insurance (this was before Obama became president). A lot of hurtful things were said by both of us and I was not welcome at my family home any more. I moved in with my then boyfriend and got a full time job and I did not get to do that rehab program because you did not get insurance benefits until you worked full time for a year.

I cut my mother, and my family by extension, off. My boyfriend had a lot of weight and diet issues over the years and he helped me get physically healthy again. I had lots of protein shakes.

To this day I still do not know what my mom was so upset about. I did go back after the term off and graduated on time. My job paid for everything and I got my own health insurance, so I did not have to rely on my parents again. I worked hard to get healthy again, so my body was not falling apart.

I chose to not contact my family for nearly a year. We then had a strained relationship for a couple of years. Now things are almost back to the way they were. I think she realized the enormity of the hurt she caused me and how that set in motion for a lot of bad things to happen to me. It was such a bizarre moment in my life.

It was the hardest decision because I was so sick. Then the safety nets that I thought I had were taken away. Without them, I had to make a series of decisions to get back on my feet and keep my life on track. I made it through a very dark moment of my life.