Holiday Triggers

As we prepare for the holiday season to completely consume the world, remember that the holidays can hold a lot of pain and bad memories for some people.

Outside of summer, the holiday season is the largest spike for domestic violence in the year. The holidays require a significant amount of spending which creates financial stress, routine disruption, childcare needs, increased alcohol consumption, and more time with family which increases the odds of family conflict.

Now think about all the things that happen in the holiday season: the taste of a big family meal or cookies, the smell of a pine tree, or even the itchiness of a holiday sweater. There are so many triggers that will provoke a memory in anyone’s mind about the holidays. Now imagine, the worst moments of your life took place during the holidays and now all these normal holiday sensations trigger you to go back to a dark place in your past.

If someone in your life struggles through the holidays, please take my advice and make some changes to your holiday routine. We avoid reliving all kinds of trauma at our house by letting go of some very sought after holiday moments. We go out on Christmas to get Chinese food. It is delicious, we are together, and we have a great time celebrating without traditional pressures.

We avoid putting up the decorations until after the kids are finished with the “before winter break” tests and school parties. It is important to know the world is going to be throwing a lot of “holiday cheer” at everyone with expectations of gifts, parties and decor. You need to be willing to make your home a refuge for those you love. Every year we slowly add to the decorations we display, but it is okay to be minimal while everyone works through their trauma. You want your home to continue to be a safe place. Like us, you can always leave your decorations up late into January to make up for the lack of them in December.

It is also okay to be sad and to let yourself or your loved ones feel the hurt of the past, as long as the one working through feelings is doing it of their own choice. Do not force this confrontation on anyone. If you think they need to be confronted, then you need to talk to a licensed medical professional before proceeding. If it is your kid, talk to their therapist. They schedule appointments with just parents all the time and they can help guide you through the season if your family is struggling. They can also help you decide which holiday staples are the most important to you and which ones you can let go of for the sake of your loved ones.

Remember: the most important thing about the holidays is being with the ones you love.