Always the mature one

A lot of things have happened in the last year. There were many choices and many suggestions I was given by professionals that I work with. Many that I just did not take. They wanted me to fight back more. They were all losing situations. I held my head high and made the best decisions I could.

Even if I were to go back and be given the opportunity to change my mind, I would make the same choices. I put a lot of thought into my actions. I play out all the likely scenarios and fallout.

I had to let my 18 year old run off. I could have probably succeeded in bringing her back and having her treatment continue, but I would have lost the war with her. She was accusing me of trying to take her decision making away from her. If I had forced the issue with the courts, then I would have been proving her right. I had hoped that she would realize that her fears were unwarranted and want to get her life back on track. That has also not happened. My partner and I know that we will always be here for her when she is ready or when she needs us. That is what a parent should be.

A bunch of moms in my school group ousted me. I could have raised a fuss and fought with them over little things. The school did not want me to go, but they also did not know how to work with these other moms. I quit. It was not worth my heart ache from being ostracized just because I try to make our program available to everyone. I would much rather have everyone participate than be the fanciest ones around. Those are my values and if they did not want to be critiqued by my morals, I could understand that. I returned all the physical stuff that stayed at my home and I closed up all the digital stuff before they could even begin to theorize what they would be losing. I do not want them to fail, but I did not see the point in hurting myself to stay.

We had to euthanize our cat this week. It was very difficult as it was very sudden. She was going to require hospitalization and most likely had a fatal diagnosis. She hated being out of the house and especially loathed treatments of any kind. She would not have understood why we were making her miserable and she still could have died during the process and never seen any positive results. We let her go. She was with us for 12 years. I miss her so much. We have no cats in the house now and it is so quiet and lonely.

Caring about others means making the right choices for them. Sometimes you have to let go of what you love and believe in. It still hurts. It is extremely difficult. All choices, no matter how big or small, are in the best interest of the things I care about. I am told that in the end, I probably made the right decision in all these cases by the professionals, my family and friends. It is nice to hear that I made the mature decision. It still does not hurt any less. I still lie awake at night wondering if I should have chosen differently and what that may have led to. Even when you make the right decision and get the correct results, you can still hate the outcome. Being mature is knowing you would not change that decision despite the outcome.