known triggers, unknown trauma

This last weekend, my oldest had a cheer competition in a town that we have vacationed in with the girls before. I was a bit wary considering we have only been there once and swore to never do it again. Shortly after signing the papers to adopt, we all traveled to celebrate for spring break. The town is a vacation town and has a wide range of activities for families to do.

The kids struggled to sleep each of the three nights we were there. They also refused to eat absolutely anything. They maybe ate a bite or two here and there, otherwise they would not eat. We were letting them pick the places and what they wanted to eat off the menu.

Activities were fine. They loved going to the arcade, aquarium, hikes, hotel swimming pool and all the other various things we did. Things were generally fine as long as we were doing something. They were a bit more irritable as the days progressed, but they were probably very tired and hungry.

So we returned to the scene of the most bizarre eating and sleeping issues we have ever faced last weekend for a day trip. We planned to walk around the shops and eat at least one meal in town while waiting around for the big cheer event.

We sat down to order food and everything seemed fine. We were joking and taking pictures as we waited for our food. Then the food came. My youngest took one bite and said it was terrible and she could not eat it. She tried to claim all kinds of maladies and we really tried to work with her through the ordeal. In the end, the only thing she ate was half a slice of bread. We ordered a slice of plain white bread for our 16 year old to eat because she refused her meal, but she needed to eat something. Then my oldest who needed to eat, so she could keep her energy up ate a third of a meal and said she was done. We were able to coax her to at least eat the main part of the meal, but she did not eat any sides.

Our kids have suffered some kind of trauma in this town. It is the only thing that makes sense. They have never acted this way in any other place, especially not for the entire duration of a visit. They thought they had never been to that town, but I have found pictures of them there. We have tried to ask them if they remember anything that may have happened to trigger these responses, but they say they cannot recall. Though, we can see they are not putting much effort into it. So either they know and refuse to acknowledge it or they have repressed these traumatic memories so much that they can no longer access them.

It is so hard not knowing the answers to all these questions. However, knowing the answers will not change the past. The important thing for these girls is to keep moving forward. We have at least confirmed that this town is a very large trigger and we will continue to avoid it and make sure we eat well before getting there if we must.