back to the grind

Now the holiday season has come to an end. The kids are back in school and you are left with all the leftovers from the past break: be it food, emotions or chores. Or all three! I have a bunch of chores to get our house back in order now that the kiddos are back to their normal routines. I also have a bunch of emotions I have to deal with.

First, we have to to face the bad feelings. The holidays were not what I was hoping for yet again. I feel like I did not put enough effort and I know I was just not in the holiday spirit for the third year running. It has been hard for me to not be able to celebrate the holidays how I always hoped I would be able to with my kids someday. I also just struggle with feeling like a failure because I know everyone is always wishing for more. More activities, more time together, more, more more! I spent the day sighing- a lot. I am not even sure what I am really upset about other than just an ambiguous feeling of “meh”. This feeling will fade as it has after each holiday season since the girls have moved in. Holidays are stressful when you have kids, so maybe it is just normal to feel this way? It is hard to know since nobody really likes talking about the struggle of holiday expectations.

Second, we get to recognize our successes. My partner took care of baking this year because I was just not in the mood. The baking was finished and my family was happy. I was able to locate most, if not all the gifts and get them wrapped up and under the tree. I did do the bare minimum of decorations, but too many decorations do set off the girls’ trauma responses. The girls loved their gifts and my partner was very pleased as well. The girls decorated giant gingerbread people instead of building houses. It alleviated a lot of stress on their part. I assume it is the ADHD that makes building cookie houses so difficult for them. My youngest performed well at her Nutcracker performances. We tried out a Chinese noodle place for Christmas. It was the girls’ first time and they really enjoyed their food and they were able to order the sodas with the marbles!

Overall there were minimal emotional outbursts in our house. There was no yelling, no threats, and no hard feelings during the entire break from school. There were a couple moments the last couple weeks of school, but nothing like we have seen before. That is progress. Maybe next year there will be no chaotic moments at all. Maybe I will not find myself feeling daunted before the holidays even begin.

Third, we make a plan for the future. In the immediate future, I need to get the holiday things packed away and get us squared away for the next smaller holidays. Long term, I will make a tentative plan for next holiday season and when I need to get things done, so I am not stressed next year. For an example, I really need to designate a space for new ornaments to be stored as the year goes by so I can find them all when the tree goes up. Two are still missing!

No holiday will ever be perfect, but it is important to take stock of the last holiday and make changes to make next year easier. I keep a pen and paper planner. I make all kinds of notes to myself in the planner. It really helps me keep on top of things that I would otherwise forget. I am currently writing a note in a couple places to remember to gather ornaments in one spot throughout the year. One after our next planned trip and one during the “Christmas in July” sale time. Now that is one less thing my brain needs to worry about remembering and I am one step closer to hopefully not misplacing any ornaments next year. It will also remind me to start thinking about ordering new ornaments of the girls!

This is how progress starts with little steps toward change.