home for the holidays

Our kids moved in with us a week before Christmas in 2017 at ages 10 and 11. Their previous living situation was under investigation for abuse. We had to throw together a holiday in seven days. We did okay. We would not know until after the holidays that they would not be returning to their previous home.

Our second Christmas together was our first as an official family. I had a lot of time to think and prepare for what I could do to integrate the girls into our home: holiday edition.

Christmas tree:

1. The girls had received paint your own ornaments for Christmas the year before, so I made sure the ornaments found their way to a prominent place on the tree. Each year since then they have made new ornaments to add to our collection. They are the first ornaments to go on the tree and the ones that the girls put up themselves.
2. We had gotten a family portrait taken during the fall, so I had a commemorative “Family’s 1st Christmas” ornament made.
3. The girls had elected to change their names when they were adopted, so I had photo ornaments made with their new names displayed.
4. As a family we went to our city’s holiday festival, we purchased the annual holiday ornament to commemorate the year we became a family.
5. I had some ornaments personalized based on the activity each girl spent the most doing. Each joined different dance groups so the ornament was either a girl doing ballet or hip hop. You could personalize the hair color, skin color, and add a name and year. I have continued this for every Christmas since then.
6. I picked up an ornament from each trip we took that year. I have continued to pick up ornaments from our big trips each year and have added them to our holiday decorations.

Stockings: We picked out all new matching stockings with personalized letters for each of us. We also bought a tree skirt to match the stockings.

Activities: In December, we do a few activities together every year. My youngest dances in the Nutcracker every year. We go look at holiday light displays together. We pick a movie series to watch during the school break. This year was Pirates of the Caribbean. We take a holiday picture together and buy a new holiday item to wear for the picture. My family really loves geeky holiday sweaters. We have gone ice skating a couple times. We also bake cookies and make crafts like gingerbread houses.

Holiday Cards: I always send out a holiday card and make sure the girls get a copy. Their pictures are always included and this year I added a summary of our year. I always leave out the holiday cards we receive so they can see that they are included on the envelopes and cards.

Gifts: We set a budget and give the money to the girls to buy gifts for their sister and us (their parents). The act of giving has taught them how to buy better gifts for the ones they care about. With a bit of coaching they are slowly moving from buying things that they want to buying gifts the recipient will actually want. As far as receiving gifts, it is still very difficult for our girls to receive gifts. They are not used to getting as many gifts or gifts that actually show that the people care about them. We open gifts in stages with breaks in between with family activities or quiet time. These days we can open all the gifts in one day. The first couple years we needed so many breaks that it would take a couple days to finish gift opening.

Meals: We tried following the girls’ wishes for traditional formal American meals for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that failed miserably. When we tried cooking, the girls would become enraged that we had to spend time focusing on food prep instead of them. Normally, our girls love eating meat and mashed potato kind of meals, but during the holidays they had no appetite for the menu. After two failed holiday seasons, we decided to mix things up. We tried pizza for Thanksgiving until the girls improved. Now we can order Thanksgiving dinners and bring them home for our enjoyment. Christmas is still very problematic, but we have had great success changing to Chinese food for Christmas. During the pandemic, we had to bring it home, but now we can go out to eat again and it is so nice to get out of the house for a bit and relax and fill up on chow mein and potstickers.

If you have adopted kids, how have you incorporated them into your holiday season?