Ever since March 2020, the world has changed. There is a huge push to get back to the way things were. Families are still having to make decisions about what is best for their family.
In our home, I am immunocompromised. Our family had to make some hard choices. We are starting to find our way back to the way things were. We go out a lot more. We are around people a lot more. My kids activities never really stopped. They moved online for awhile, then they went back with social distancing and masks, and now things are almost back to where they used to be. People seem to still be treating illnesses appropriately and staying home.
The whole world experienced a collective trauma. It was a fascinating experience for a sociologist to watch how different groups of people would react. Both to the illness, the precautions, the aftermath and now the trauma that is lingering in everyone’s individual histories.
Even being old hat at identifying trauma and having been taught to deal with trauma. It was very hard on my family. My partner and I felt even more alone than ever trying to raise our two trauma riddled children. My oldest actually really enjoyed the pandemic safety measures. She has autism and not having to go to school and be surrounded by her peers was probably the best time of her life. My youngest is the opposite. She thrives on attention and has to interact with others. She completely fell apart that first year. She relived all the abuse and neglect she had suffered in her life before us.
Everyone has now experienced a trauma. When my girls returned to school, they found that most of their peers had regressed terribly. The script had flipped for our family. No longer were my children singled out for their strange and wacky behavior. They were actually being praised for helping other students learn to cope with their feelings! It was such a strange experience. My kids struggle with their own feelings and responses every day of their life. Yet they were able to share what they have learned with their peers. We finally knew that some of what we had been saying was being heard. We learned their therapists actually made some amount of progress.
They still struggle daily with the years of trauma they endured, but now I am able to rest easy that some of the teachings that we have tried to put into practice have taken root. Now we just have to keep doing what we are doing and watch them grow. For anyone who is struggling with trauma for the first time because of the pandemic, things will get better. It will be slow and hard to see from day to day, but progress happens. One day someone will come up to you and make a small remark. For me, it was hearing that my kids were trying to help their peers cope with trauma. It was a small thing, but I have held onto that.
Every time someone tells me that they have seen progress, I hold on to the comment and repeat it to myself during the next big drama. We finally visited some relatives we have not seen since before the pandemic. They marveled at how much the girls have matured. They remarked on how the girls have calmed down, have better conversations and are able to be so much more social.
Hold onto other people’s observations of progress. It is nearly impossible to see progress when you live it, but everyone on the outside can see it so easily. Listen to them and remember it when you need it.
Mother of Trauma 
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